Breaking news: China’s most popular Daily Newspaper, The Chinese Daily, has scored a sensational scoop, literally scooping up a draft version of Trumps planned 2016 acceptance speech— from a remote coastal Island off mainland China. This speech was clearly written on the assumption that his victory was inevitable. These papers appear to include some bracing policy ideas and brilliant political moves, including his choice of running mate, designed, in his mind, to at least double his popularity from his present 53% poll numbers. Then we can see his plan to reduce unemployment to Zero, that is sure to raise some eyebrows, yet gain enthusiastic plaudits from his most devoted followers. But one embarrassing aspect might be the unintended revelation of his actual place of birth. The Chinese journalist who secured this scoop, said that he had been hunting for these papers for three weeks, having heard some Chinese fisherman saying that they had spotted Trumps private Jet, TRUMP 2, discarding bags of trash into the China Sea -on it’s way to Shanghai. A full translation of these soggy papers is provided below.
Trumps planned 2016 acceptance Speech: The Chinese Daily paid a Mexican to translate the pages and are not liable for any errors in translation.
“Today America, it can now be our America. Today I will outline how you can become as great as me. We are a great Country, the greatest country—but we can become so much greater. If you can love me as much as I have learned to love myself then all will be great. I love great Americans with all my heart, but I have to be honest, I must tell you that some Americans are losers, many are just over rated, low energy, ugly losers. Even worse, some are total losers. Then we have those rapists who trespass into our great Country, they look at our great genes and just cannot control themselves — we cannot waste our greatness on such haters and losers and deviants.
I love my Vice Presidential pick –he is an amazing guy, a special guy and a great friend. He is a bit short, but I love short people, short people are great. I speak down to him all the time, but he loves it, he loves me and has always looked up to me. I respect that in a man. Then there is my press secretary, I have chosen Matt Drudge –you will love him, a fantastic guy, a great friend –I talk to him all the time. He loves golf you know. Loves my courses best of all. You have to respect some one who has great taste.
Economic Policy
I shall cut everyone’s taxes. I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created. It will be great. Anyone who needs a job can come and work for me, where I will provide free food and beverages. I will provide tents for my workers who need housing. The tax cuts that I provide will mean that all of my friends in Palm Beach will also be able to promote my ground breaking “Work Is Just Great” program. If you need a job, just give me a call at 1-800 YOU LOSER, I will call one of my Wall Street friends, I know them all, I run into them all the time, they are all really great guys and they are always looking for staff. If you get sick, we will have a great deal for that too, many of my employees would have spent years in the medical community before their jobs were downsized –they will be dying to help.
Yes of course revenues will fall short of expenses – but bankruptcy is not failure, it is a sign of success, proof that my brilliance is working. Bankruptcy can be a fantastic deal. Once China realizes that we will not pay them back, then I will just offer them a deal. I am an amazing negotiator. They will love it, we will love it –everyone will be a winner – other countries will be kicking them selves for not negotiating with me first.
Foreign Policy
America is the biggest and the best. But our new greatness will soon become fantastically great. ISIS, they are an awful terrorist group and they are going to be in such trouble when I become President. We have huge bombs, absolutely brilliant made in America bombs. As a strong and great leader I be exporting these amazing bombs to Syria, just so everyone can see just how amazing they are. I’m going take ISIS and other haters and losers off the face of the planet and then we shall do the same to Assad. This should also solve global warming and prove that it was a hoax.
Putin is a great guy, we are going to have an amazing friendship – he loves golf as you know. Having reasserted our greatness, Putin will happily agree to withdraw all his forces to within his own boarders. We will enforce no fly zones where ever we need them. China has a great wall -you can see it from space, but I would build a greater wall and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me. And I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great great wall on our southern border and I’ll have Mexico pay for that wall. “I’m not saying they’re stupid, the Chinese I mean— I like China, I just sold an apartment for $15 million. But let’s face it, with a face like that how could you trust them. I will have the Chinese leaders fly into Washington, they can use my private jet, and I will tell them to stop. I will tell them face to face –because I will be a strong leader, the greatest leader. I will tell them that if they carry on being un-American that I will use our vast free labor force to compete against their labor force and all business will relocate back to America, to take advantage of our “Working Is Just Great” program, thus destroying China’s economy. It will be a great victory.
Social Policy
I love the Bible, it is an incredible book, it has sold almost as many copies as The Art of the Deal. I love women, they are great. They are so great that owning just one is just not enough. I have many gay friends, gays are great. If they want to marry, that is great. I have many devoted admirers who do not like gays, and they are great and they have every right to try and make gay marriage illegal. I said they could marry, just not to another man. Women can, marry each other, because that’s hot. If any women as hot as my daughter married my daughter …I love women, I know numerous women, I talk to them all the time. Many of my devoted followers say that Obama is a black man and I say that is great, who am I to judge. Many of my adoring fans say that Obama is a Muslim man and I say that is great, who am I to judge. Many of my congregants say that Obama is not an American and I say that is great and that is right-Obama is not an American.
To any who is smart enough to agree to vote for me , I shall give each and every one of you a really fantastic smart card. If you agree with the mission statement on the front of the Card, all you need to do is sign the back of the Card. Become a Trump Elite supporter and join my special rewards system. See the back of the card for all the absolutely amazing benefits:
Earn 25,000 Trump Elite bonus points after voting and then more points for every vote after that.
Earn 20,000 Trump Elite bonus points after making $100 in donations within the first 3 months of account opening.
Free Food and Beverage at any Trump voting location Elite lounge and bring up to four voting companions with you at the same location..
Enjoy Standing in line privileges at all participating voting locations. Don’t be loser, never wait in line again
25% savings on eligible dates–at all Trump Hotels, resorts and Golf courses
Preferred Status to participate in the groundbreaking “work is just great” program
Purchase Rate 13.99% – 21.99% variable APR based on your creditworthiness.
Love to read it,Waiting For More new Update and I Already Read your Recent Post its Great Thanks.
This has so much inspiration to Trump followers and the American people, who I hope will be able to laugh at themselves and accept what a joke he has made of the whole political system , at the same time announcing that the system needs a big wake up call !
As usual an informative and interesting blog. Thanks.
Thank you