But Jeb Are You a Christian? Should You be Allowed Entry?

Jeb has a plan for the vetting of refugees—evidently to get safe haven -just show us that you are a Christian so that we can focus on you. I mean how tough can that be?

Is this a smart plan or a Stupidparty plan?

1. Are we going to torture each refugee to make sure that they are true believers?
2. Are we going to torture non Christians until they become true believers?
3. America is not a Christian nation—the constitution protects all US citizens from such co-coercion, because the founding fathers fathers saw what might happen when idiots embark on a crusade.
4. So if only Christians can be trusted, what about all the non Christians in the USA?
5. If America only protects true Christians who will protect people who all non Christians through out the world, who will provide answers to the depressed, the deprived, the displaced, the disillusioned, the demented – Oh I know—some nut-job with a Koran saying it is written, it is written that you can die and go to heaven, it is written that I love you almost as much as God will, if you can just kill your way into paradise—for the crusaders are back amongst us, looking to steal our possessions and our soul. God is mighty, and our God is stronger than their God, on a given day at least.

What is a Christian? – Someone who follows the teachings of Christ. So let us look at Jeb:

1. Jeb has just uninvited gentiles from his house.
2. Jeb’s economic plan hurts the poor at the expense of the wealthy
3. Jeb likes Guns
4. Jeb likes War
5. Jeb happy to destroy the planet – which the Pope has just declared a sin
6. Jeb is a hypocrite e.g. attacking Trump for questioning McCain’s war record, yet supported the swift-boating of Kerry
7. Jeb supports hate monger and fake Christian Jerry Falwell
8. Abortion is not a Christian value
9. Misogyny is not a Christian value
10. Consistently using only ones name as ones resume to make a profit -is not a Christian value

So now imagine that I am a Jeb Bush appointed customs official and I must decide if I should allow Jeb Bush to find asylum in the USA. This is how would the conversation would likely go:

Me – Are you a Christian?

Jeb – Of course I am, can’t you tell? Look at my name, my tie; surely my bespoke shirt speaks for me. But let me sing you a song to prove that I am a good Christian:

Onward, Christian solders,
marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus
going on before!
Christ, the royal Master,
leads again the foe;
Forward into battle,
see his banner go!

Yes -that is me and that is how I shall prevail in my war against non Christians.

Me – thank for that rousing rendition, I must say that I am quite moved. But I have to note the following—Jesus never held a sword, rode a horse, wore armor, marched under a banner, carried  a Golden cross worth $64,000,000  (-i.e a “ton” of Gold) in order to kill gentiles. The hymn you just sang was written in a great rush (10 minutes) by Baring-Gould in 1864 for school children and it was referring to saving the cross from destruction, set to the somber music from the slow movement of Hayden’s symphony number 53. It was a song that Baring-Gould soon regretted and tried to edit. Only later and by pure chance were the words set to the rousing music of Arthur Sullivan (of Gilbert and Sullivan) to turn it into a crowd pleaser. Many attempts have been made to salvage the song  -to turn it back into an obvious Christian message and here is one such attempt

Onward Christian pilgrims,

Working hard for peace,

Day by day we’re praying

That all wars may cease.

Mr Bush, after due consideration the United Sated Government regrets to advise that your application to receive US Citizenship under the 28th Amendment to the Constitution which declares that “all Christians may go to the front of any line” – that your application has been denied, on the grounds that you are not a Christian  -but in fact an idiot, and that idiocy is one skill set that the USA has in excess of capacity.